


Six Seconds Till We're Gone

by imreallygayheere



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Angst, Bad Cooking, Cooking, Cooking Lessons, Dancing, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, Gay Sex, I just love them, M/M, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Dancing, Slow Romance, angsty asf, dat angst gremlin crawled into ma fanfic, guanshan appreciation, he tian appreciation, he tian is hot????, hey thx 4 checking, holy fuck imma kill myself, im still a piece of garbage, jian yi appreciation, lil mo, mo appreciation, some smut i guess, uMMMmm, we love dat bitch, zhan zheng xi appreciation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-07-13 11:48:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16017257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imreallygayheere/pseuds/imreallygayheere
Summary: The four friends from their final year in Junior High have each grown up in their own ways. Each at thirty years old, the memories of the past resurface and the week of encounters begin.





	1. Amongst Other Things

**Author's Note:**

> just wanted to appreciate them n old xian (bless)
> 
> \- sorry for the weak amount of words in this chapter, just wanted to see if y'all were interested in a future fic ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> \- if y'all like it, guess i'll write more words. hopefully at least 15k ヽ(¬ロ¬)ﾉ  
> \- thx for reading, hope you enjoy!! (╭☞✧Д✧)╭☞

Standing outside, three weeks before Christmas flies by, Mo Guanshan is desperately hanging on to something.

A small cluster of ash falls to the ground, silent against the sound of cars rushing by and people chattering on the streets. They pass the restaurant's alley, bright-eyed for the coming holiday. The redhead male hates this time of year, but he misses a certain thing. That's part of the reason why he's nearly choking on cigarette smoke. The burn against his lungs burns like pure fire, and the bud drops to the cold asphalt. He just wanted to smell that same scent.

But his coughing ceases when someone pokes their head into the alleyway. "Mister Mo!" It's woman, possibly a year or two older, carrying an impressive tray of dirty dishes over one shoulder. He cocks his head in her direction, playing off his fit of coughs as nothing more than a small cold. But the woman standing there is insightful, and has known her friend long enough to understand what he's done again. "Jeez, Guan! Give up on that idiot of a man already! Didn't he leave China twelve years ago, anyway?"

"She Wang, go away!" he bats his hand in the air, pursing his lips as the familiar emotion of annoyance rises in his face. The only way he knows how to express it is with a scowl. "I want to be alone on my break."

She giggles gently, balance of the tray never wavering. This woman is surely strong. "Guan, please hurry inside...You'll freeze to death." With that warning, she disappears back into his warm restaurant. He pulls out his phone, letting out a sigh at the time. He's the boss; the boss doesn't get breaks.

Grumbling swears to himself, he lumbers into the restaurant kitchen and is hit with a wave of joyful, comfortable heat. it's such a pleasing sensation that the corners of his lips twitch into into what might be a smile, but no one bothers to ask. "Changming, Bolin, Hong!" His voice cuts through the chatter of his employees, earning the attention of three young cooks. Mo's feet tap against the ground as he approaches them, surveying their abilities.

"Mister Mo!" A woman younger than him draws his attention away from their culinary skills, sending a wave of relief through the young men's bodies. Their boss can be a little harsh. "We're really busy right now and the hostess scheduled for next shift just called in sick!" Amber eyes flit to his employees, then to the young female.

None of this appears to worry him, though his insides are always moving with concern. It's an instinct that has come from many of his childhood experiences. "Ha, I'll take over. Did the previously scheduled hostess just clock out?" Her small head bobbed up and down rapidly, green eyes watching as her boss sent her back to work. Almost dutifully, he approached the front of his restaurant, taking position to begin the shift. People were filling up the booths on both side of the entrance, something that both annoyed Mo and made his heart warm.

But then his day was ruined by byt the two figures who stepped through the door next. Zhan Zheng Xi, and the demonic Jian Yi. "Welcome," he greets begrudgingly, knowing both men know exactly where they have gone. The blonde grins in such a way that reveals his peculiarly sharp teeth, proceeding to lunge at the redhead, cackling madly.

Yes, definitely a demon.

Zhan Zheng Xi is a valid being, and catches the blonde before he gets to Mo, who flinches back. "Sorry about that. He was excited." Everyone sitting or standing at the front of the restaurant takes a long moment to stare. It's true, it's quite odd to see a man acting like a dog, but their eyes begin to annoy Mo.

This is where his old friends realize he is not the same person as before. The old Mo Guanshan would've beaten Jian Yi right then and there before yelling at the gawkers to mind their own damn business. "It's alright, folks," he held up a reassuring hand, and most shrugged nonchalantly in acceptance of his words. His eyes then fell on the two men, glowering. "Sit down. _Now_." Both of them comply without hesitance.

A few minutes later, tables start to clear and the people who've been waiting for an hour at most are seated at an empty table. There's a couple, a family, a group of friends, and two men. Since his highschool graduation, Mo has realized a few things. One being that he is quite gay, and the other that it's alright to be sexually oriented that way. So he never assumes these days.

Once he returns to the front of his restaurant, _another_ table is cleared for the demon and...the other thing. Zhan Zheng Xi carries the blonde underneath his arm till they reach the table, where Jian Yi wiggles out of his grasp and into his seat. Mo gently sets menus down, glancing toto the front of the restaurant to make sure no one will enter.

"Drinks, you two? I feel like I'm being nice just letting you in here." Zhan sent a glare across the table before shifting his gaze to the redhead. It was an action that Jian Yi didn't really seem to notice, as he was looking rather meticulously at his nails.

"We'll just have water for now, thanks," the sandy-haired man inclines his head, watching Jian Yi as though he was observing an exotic creature. Though it was fair to say the blonde man _was_ an exotic creature. Mo didn't bother wasting his paper. Two glasses of water was so simple he could remember it even if he got distracted. Which could be very likely, seeing as how young his employees were. They weren't used to responsibility. "How are you doing?" Zhan Zheng Xi's words draw him back to where he is standing, notepad in one hand despite his lack for needing it.

The question is strange to Mo. He hasn't been asked such a thing in at least six months. It's not like he has friends, or parents, or a lover. So having such a thing directed at him was a bit out of the blue, and catches him off-guard. "Oh." That is all he can offer. He hasn't honestly thought about his state of being. His train of thought generally goes like this:

' _I don't wanna get up, I don't wanna get up. Why am I doing this again? I don't wanna be awake right now. Oh, yeah, that's right, that's today...Damn, where did the time go? I really hope She Wang opens this morning. Wait, where's the schedule? And where's my shoes?!_ '

Or something a little more appropriate for each scenario in his very long days. But otherwise it's just as scattered as that. "I'm great." The answer is deadpan, contradicting the response almost completely. Zhan Zheng Xi raises an eyebrow, but the man across from him still doesn't seem to be paying attention. It's a normal thing. "What about you guys?" At that, the blonde's head cocks upwards with a devious grin. It almost reminds him of a certain black-haired male, but he shoves the memory down as his friend starts.

"We're _amazing_ !" It's not sarcasm dripping from his voice --Mo can tell-- but more of a lack of a way to express his excitement. Something big was happening with them. "We found He Tian, and we get to go see him! Apparently, he's really fuckin' famous in America!" All the things he's tried to forget come rushing back in a splitting pain to his heart. The name makes his chest constricted and fluttery, an emotion Mo thought he'd never feel again. _Everything_ he'd been working towards the past decade all fell to shit. The complete change of his entire life just to get rid of _him_. He'd gotten rid of all his pictures, clothes, bedsheets, items, and bags just to get his smell off it. He shaved his head, and grew it back to it was hair he hadn't touched. He changed his phone number, and he desperately tried to convince his mother to move. In the end, he just moved out himself. But even though he'd done all these things, he kept trying to go back on his actions.

Perhaps his mind was fighting with itself. An internal war that constantly sent him pain to every joint in his goddamn body. Now he had to start all over again. "That's nice." Jian Yi's face wilts into a crestfallen expression, disappointed with the apathetic reaction. "Don't tell him we talked." This comment, the redhead knows, will not make any sense to the blonde at the table. But someone else, who seems to be a bit more socially advanced, understands what he means. Zhan Zheng Xi and Guanshan have never _not_ gotten along. They never talked much, but they understood each other just fine. It was a rare relationship that really only few got to have.

So the man who knows respects his wishes. "I got it," he eyes Jian Yi, who is now biting his nails without any particular sign that he was just participating in a conversation. "but there's no guarantee that he won't come back here and try to find you." The redhead male nods, directing both of them to wait a moment while he goes to get their water. His kids (he likes to call his employees that, exempting She Wang from this) take no notice of him as he does what he has come into the space for. People bustle about, excusing themselves and cracking jokes that are most definitely from the minds of an imbecile. He thought they could be quite amusing, though, and that sense brought about a good feeling to his restaurant. Most of the time, customers would comment on how friendly the environment was and how it reminded them of eating at family reunion's when they were young.

As he strolled back to the table, his phone vibrated loudly in his front pocket, sending an annoying sensation through his left leg. Who could possibly be texting him right now? Half of his mind wanted to find out exactly which motherfucker it was, but then the other part put work first and carried the waters to the table. Jian Yi was in the middle of jabbering on and on _and on_ about their upcoming trip, pausing only to lightly thank Mo before returning to his ranting. The redhead hovered there for a moment, glancing between the two of them before Zhan finally acknowledged him and mouthed to him that he could go. With a sigh, Mo headed back towards his position at the front of the restaurant, taking note of the time. They were supposed to be closed early every holiday season.

One of his waiters passed by. “Hey, Nian Zhen!” he gently called out to the younger male, who instantly cocked his head in his boss’s direction. “Can you start closing up the blinds, please? We’ve gotta start shutting down in the next ten minutes if you guys want to actually get home early tonight.” His employee nodded vigorously, rushing off to follow commands. Mo turned his attention towards the doors, slowly moving his hand to brush against the keys. It would be best if he locked it now. His feet approached the entrance, jingling metal slipping into the door’s lock.

Someone passed outside, tall, dark-haired, and swift moving. And, for a moment, Mo thought it was who he wanted to see. But it wasn’t He Tian. It would never be.

The keys turned, creating a quick click against the faint clinking of dishes. His hands reached for the blinds, pulling them down over the door before he turned back around and headed towards the kitchen. Most people were heading out through the side exit now, having finished their meals and thanked his team of cooks. Mo would usually wave to them, but today he did _not_ feel like doing such things.

Standing near the exit door, he was suddenly approached by both of his old friends, both of them looking strangely serious. Jian Yi, seeing as how he couldn’t hold such an expression for more than five minutes, suddenly grinned. “I really think you should come to America with us.” Zhan Zheng Xi grimaced, sending the man across from them an apologetic look.

Mo instantly shook his head. “It’s just not happening. I can’t leave the restaurant in She Wang’s hands,” he cocked his head in the direction of the kitchen, though his trust for the older woman was immense. “I’m sure you’ve met She Li’s older sister before…” Both of them raised an eyebrow, curious at such a statement. If there was an older sister to the terrifying She Li, that meant they would have the advantage if he ever wanted to stir up trouble. Older siblings --sisters, more specifically-- could make any younger brother wet his pants. That was a fact.

“No, we haven’t, actually,” Zhan commented quickly, instinctively reaching for his boyfriend’s hand. “Sorry to bother you with the plans. It’s none of our business.” His words were surely respectable of Mo’s space, and that he appreciated. So he gave the couple a nod and sent them on their merry way. Changming, Bolin, Hong, Ha, Nian, Bao, Ai, Daquan, Fa, Jingsheng, Ju, and Kuo all rushed out the door the moment his two friends left, hoping to get home to their loved ones. Most of them were going on vacation for the holiday season. The people remaining were the devious She Wang and friendly Xing-fu Yan.

Xing-fu Yan was a culinary artist who had recently graduated and decided to apply to Mo’s restaurant in hopes to fill up his resumé. He was well-liked among the ladies, but he had no interest in dating. Though he was friendly, his life seemed to be work centric and that was all that. “Mister Mo!” He called out, grabbing for his bag before approaching the side door.

His boss raised his gaze, showing a forced smile to his employee. “Thank you for your work today, Xing-fu,” he inclined his red head forward, opening up the door for the young man. “I hope you enjoy your vacation and will return very healthy.” Xing-fu nodded eagerly, waving to She Wang happily before he scampered out the door. The woman who had just seen off the younger employee began to flick off the lights and flip the chairs onto the tables.

Mo joined her, silent as they moved efficiently. Though they bickered relentlessly, their teamwork generally got things done in the best possible way. But then she finally spoke, breaking their smooth flow, “Guanshan, I heard your friends chatting earlier…” He scoffed, taking a moment to rub his temples to ease his headache. Every time Wang opened her mouth, his usual migraines seemed to get one thousand times worse. “I think you should go see this guy. He Tian, was it?”

He nodded. “His name is He Tian, yes…” Though it wouldn’t be that difficult to anyone else, the sentence was hard to get out. He didn’t want to admit to Wang’s very valid point that he should, _really_ , go visit his old friend. But doing that would mean that She Wang was right, and Mo was hell-bent on proving she was always wrong. “But I’m not going. There’s no way I’m leaving you to run _my_ restaurant. Besides, what will I do if--”

She interrupted, slightly sharp in her tone. “Watch what you say, you little prick. It’s not like you’ve got anything to lose,” her lips split into a demonic grin. “Except maybe your virginity.” His grip tightened around the leg of a chair, jaw setting in anger. Wang was the annoying prick here.

“I’m not a virgin, you dick!” Frustrated, he slammed the wooden furniture down on the table and huffed out an angry breath. God, She Wang could be such a bitch. “Shut...Shut up.” Wang instantly sensed something wrong. Her red-haired little fierious ball of pent-up aggression would never passed up a chance to snap at her.

Never. “Momo, go home, alright?” She reached out and patted his shoulder, a sudden twinge of guilt twisting her generally icy and devious heart. “I can even run the restaurant tomorrow to show that you can trust me. Then I can make you go to America.”

On any other particular day, Mo would’ve lifted his head right up and whacked her, but today He Tian was on his mind. Occasionally days like that came. Where nothing seemed to be right, because the past was getting the best of him. “Thanks, Wang…” She watched him, curious when he just lugged himself towards the exit of the restaurant, shoulders drooped hopelessly.

This was going to be a problem.

* * *

Mo Guanshan trudged through his small apartment, instantly heading for his bed without bothering to take any clothes off or put any others on. Everything was going to go wrong. Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi would probably come back to bother him about going to America, and he would have no choice but to cut off contact from them as well. Another issue was stupid She Wang, who seemed to also want to ruin his life. Why was she so intent on sending him to another country? He hadn’t done anything to her!

Eventually, his anger dispersed and he knocked out, too exhausted to even bother asking anymore questions.

In the morning, his eyes didn’t want to open. It was clearly late in the day already, but he didn’t require moving. All he needed to do was lay there. His phone buzzed, though, and it woke him up enough to grab it and check who the hell needed to bother him right now.

An unknown number had texted him three times, and called twice. The trio of texts were slightly strange:

\-- _hey redhead_

_fuckin come to america to see tian w us_

_Please, btw_ \--

That was motherfucking Jian Yi. Top tier chaotic evil demon man, _Jian Yi._ All Mo needed was to be prodded with the option of going to America one more _damn time_ before he snapped and went on a rampage. It would feel nice, Mo figured, to be angry for once. He’d been only occasionally shouting at She Wang when she was a complete idiot, but otherwise...Otherwise everything else was held in a small bottle he kept inside his head.

All the things that had cracked the bottle were still not enough. His parents’ death was enough to shatter it, but She Wang dawdled along and helped him put duct tape around it. He was grateful of her, but she could be a big pain in the ass. Still, because of She Wang, he realized that not all bottles are meant to be held alone.

Mo drags himself off his mattress, limping through the small apartment to find a glass of water. He has nothing in his fridge, which isn’t a surprise considering the fact that he eats at the restaurant most of the time. It isn’t like he has much of a life outside of it. All his employees are acquaintances in the least, and She Wang is becoming more of a sister figure to him by the day. But he thinks of them all as a family. That’s why he has no idea what to do with himself. The option of going to the restaurant anyway comes to mind, but he would only be yelled at by Wang and then kicked out. It wasn’t worth it to get his ass beat.

When he was younger, he probably would’ve cherished a lazy day and played video games or watched television. He wasn’t all that young anymore, and such things were becoming frivolous to him. There were no shows that he enjoyed, anyway.

So Mo Guanshan spent his entire day staring at his ceiling in deep thought. Going to America was surely an option, and maybe he would be able to get She Wang off his back for a bit. Her arguments were quite good when it came to Mo needing a personal life at _some_ point. Not everybody required one, he liked to think, but that might’ve been a big lie.

America, or not America. There would be strange new customs, but he would get to experience a different life for once. It seemed to be the best possible option. Perhaps, if things worked out when he saw He Tian, he could return to China feeling a little less hurt from their relationship. The end was jagged, and a bit chaotic due to the redhead himself.

But Mo was just getting ahead of himself. No America, no He Tian, no leaving She Wang, and no going with Jian and Zhan. But Wang would end up shoving him on the plane anyway, so why bother with getting manhandled when he could just sit on the transportation himself? Eyes on the ceiling, his mind slowly faded out of consciousness, falling into the strange sensation of a dream. Only this one was a memory.

 

_Mo was probably about eighteen, standing awkwardly in a crowd of teenagers as he waited. Waited and waited until his friends exited the building, conversing with papers in their hands. He’d known university was never an option, and he’d come to terms with that after his mother was hospitalized. She couldn’t even keep up with payments, so he supposed that it was his duty now. Besides, if he juggled seven jobs at once, there would be no time for school. Now was probably the last time he would see Jian Yi, Zhan Zheng Xi, and He Tian._

_When they finally came towards him, the Jian Yi grinned wildly. “Thanks for waiting! We’ve just gotta pick up our bags and we’ll be on the subway in no time,” he slapped Mo’s back, reaching for the coat that was set beside his friend. “We’ll have to plan to meet each other during holiday breaks.”_

_Zhan Zheng Xi weakly nodded, giving a limp wave to the two other teenage boys before trailing after Jian Yi in hopes he wouldn’t trip and fall face-flat on the concrete. Mo gently waved after, gaze shifting up to He Tian. “What about you? Ditching me also?” Tian snickered, plopping himself down on the bench beside his friend. It was true, he was also leaving Mo, but it was rather reluctant._

_“Can’t believe you’re actually concerned about me leaving,” he faded off, dark eyes watching people pass them. “Or maybe you’re eager to get me going along…” Mo sensed strange sadness in his voice, clasping his hands together in his lap. The sky was growing a gentle orange color, shadows casting shapes across the sidewalk. Cars swished by on the street behind them, barely blocking out the sounds of people’s conversations._

_He Tian was right. Mo was concerned with his parting. “I just don’t wanna be alone again,” he lurched forward, placing his elbows on his knees before setting his chin in a palm lazily. “It’s not fun to do things by yourself.” Something was nagging Mo’s stomach, causing a strange sensation inside of it. He knew what it was. It was itching him to say it. To confess._

_The man sitting behind him only grumbled something, gaze still following pairs and groups of pedestrians strolling along. “I’ll stay if you want me to. My father isn’t concerned about when I get my degree, just_ if _I--”_

_Tian was abruptly stopped by Mo, who had moved to bury his head in his hands. “Don’t stay, alright? Just go…” he paused, swallowing the tense lump in his throat. No tears. He was allowed...to cry. But the wetness fell from his eyes anyway, falling to the ground silently. “I can deal with this mess myself.” There was a scuffling noise, and He Tian stood, shifting to hover in front of Mo._

_“Stand up.” His voice was stern, unlike its usual flimsy and strange manner. Mo lifted his head, meeting gaze with Tian. He did as his friend said, picking up his jacket with him. “I’m leaving tomorrow.” Mo knew this already. “Do you want me to stay or not?”_

_The fact that Mo had to look into his eyes was unnerving, but he set his jaw and said the words that he never wanted to say. “Go. Get out of my life and don’t come back.”_

 

Mo abruptly sat up, heart racing. He never wanted to remember that. He wanted to let all of it go and completely forget about _stupid He Tian_.

She Wang was unfortunately right.

He had to go to America.

* * *

* * *

 

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ᕦ(⸟‿‿⸟)ᕥ

 


	2. However You See It, It's Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps going to America was not the greatest idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i was just hungry for them ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Jian Yi seemed more than a little excited when Mo told him and Zheng Xi that he was going to join them on their trip to America. After all, it made Jian feel like he was a master of persuasion. Zhan Zheng Xi insisted that wasn’t the case, but all arguments with his boyfriend were losses. The next week, the couple headed towards Mo’s apartment, knowing that he was going to be a mess. Though that was _really_ just an assumption

She Wang stood in front her friend’s apartment, impatiently waiting for him to come out. He’d insisted that it would only take five minutes, but alas, it had been ten. To the woman, though, ten minutes was forever. When the couple exited the elevator into the hall, Wang was wary of them. Though she was wary of most people, these two required considerably more attention.

“Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi, was it?” her voice was low for a woman’s, but it was just to intimidate both of them. Jian Yi nodded, grinning as he peered past her towards the door. “He’s not ready yet, leave him alone. I’m sure, as his friends, you know how important this is to him.”

The blank look on both of their faces was enough of a tell. Jian Yi, mildly confused, furrowed his nearly nonexistent eyebrows, “Redhead was acting like it didn’t matter, even when he asked if we still had an extra ticket and stuff…” She Wang let out a sigh, closing her stormy gray eyes. Both of them were idiots, as Mo had previously warned, but she didn’t know it was _that_ bad.

“Momo doesn’t tell people when he’s actually feeling things,” her tone was harsh, posture lax as she leaned against the wall. She Wang could’ve passed for a man without her naturally feminine figure ruining the look. Suddenly, the door opened and she straightened up, grinning down at him. In his arms, Mo had three bags, each not brimming with clothes as the trio waiting had expected. This man was most definitely not the same as he used to be.

He looked between the three of them, heaving a gentle sigh. “Are we going now?” Zhan nodded, gaze warily flitting to She Wang, who noticed and sent him a glare. “Oh, okay. Wang, you sure you’re alright with being in charge?”

She scoffed, uncrossing her arms. “Obviously, Mo. Hand over the keys,” Wang held out her hand, knowing that even though she had a spare, Mo would worry about the restaurant if the keys were in his proximity. “Now.” With a sigh, he pulled the jingling metal out of his pockets and slapping it into her hand. She shoved them into the apron she had around her waist.

“Come on, redhead!” Jian Yi swiftly moved behind him, slapping his hands on his shoulders to push him along towards the elevator. “Bye, scary woman She Wang!” He waved excitedly, and they stepped inside the lift.

She Wang watched the doors close, letting out a huff of angry air. Something was going to go wrong in America, but it was for the best. Never once since she’d met the kid had she seen his eyes clear without any worry or regret. And she knew firsthand that being clouded with regret wasn’t something you wanted on your plate all the time.

The drive to the airport was slow, cars filling the streets from the time of day and the day of the week. When they finally arrived, people were slowly moving in the building and out in quite nice groups that Mo really hadn’t expected. Jian Yi stepped out of the cab, followed by Zhan Zheng Xi, and then Mo himself. Taking their bags up in their arms, they headed to catch their flight.

While walking, a question came to the forefront of the redhead’s mind. “What does He Tian do in America?” Jian Yi’s lips spread into one of his signature demonic smiles, ready to go into a full-on rant mode.

Then Zhan Zheng Xi replied blatantly, “He’s a model, actor, and singer. We can show you the website that lists everything he’s done if you really want.” It would be a lie to say that Mo’s mind didn’t instantly block out everything Zhan said after ‘model.’ Imagining He Tian wearing...certain things was enough to distract him.

“No, I’m fine,” he finally replied once he’d comprehended his friend’s words. His eyes moved slightly upwards to survey the couple and how they acted. Mo had stopped growing around his second year of highschool, in which the other three sprouted and left him quite short. “When did you guys...start…?” The fading off of the sentence gave hint to what he actually wanted to say.

Jian Yi flipped his expression to contemplative, tapping his chin with his free hand. “I can’t really remember. No one really keeps track of time while you’re in university.” Zhan Zheng Xi nodded in agreement, lightly rolling his eyes at how stupid the comment sounded despite its truth.

Mo grimaced. “How do you know when it’s your anniversary then?” Both shrugged simultaneously, lacking any particular care on the subject. He left it at that, directing his attention towards the airplane hanger that they were scheduled to be at in five minutes. Jian Yi sped up, though Mo figured it was more out of excitement than worry, as that was not who he was.

Tickets were exchanged and they sent their heavy luggage off, putting their carry-on bags up and taking their assigned seat. It was strange, sitting amongst perfectly still and silent people. They were like mannequins. And maybe it was just a plane ride thing, because Jian and Zhan were both doing it too.

To be fair, he’d never been on a _plane_ before. Tickets were too expensive and he had nowhere to really even be.

So it was _also_ fair when he got freaked out by turbulence and made a high-pitched squealing sound that Jian Yi just _had_ to laugh at. And they were going to have to do it _again_ because there were apparently more than one stops on such a long flight. Mo just didn’t get it. His brain didn’t work like that. She Wang wasn’t there to tell him he was being a wuss and to get it together before she stabbed him the stomach with a knife and made him get it together. Wang was the kind to express tough love and only that, which would make it better if She Li ever wanted to get back at them.

* * *

America was bustling with far too many people. They were chattering so fast in English, and most were shoving past each other just to end up in the same place as everyone else. The sheer amount of people wasn't nearly as intimidating as China, but it was nearly as bad with out closely knitted certain groups were. And completely  _forget_ personal space. Mo was being nearly carried by the crowd and almost lost his idiot companions at least twice. Not only that, but they were going to have to walk all the way to the hotel downtown and Mo would be completely clueless because he didn't think things through and was so very rusty on his English that he might as well be an idiot. But when they arrived he was pleasantly impress with how nice everything was, and how fluent both men were when talking to the man at the reception desk. Still, he only picked up a word here and there.

"Two?" and "Have a good night!" Frankly, Mo thought that was really all he needed to know. There was little communication with foreigners in the restaurant, and even if there was, She Wang knew a whopping twelve languages. If she wasn't a god, he didn't know what was. 

The trio clambered up the stairs and Jian Yi slapped a room key into his hand. "We reserved you your own one since we didn't think you'd like to hear us fuck." A young woman passed by them, raising an eyebrow as Mo deadpanned before trudging towards the room he was supposed to be in. "You're welcome!" Jian sang out, turning towards his boyfriend and proceeding to chatter without an honest care in the world. 

Too tired to shout any insult, Mo unlocked the room and stepped inside, flicking on the light before tossing his bags into the corner. Kicking off his shoes, he reached into his back pocket for his phone and noticed that the unknown number Jian Yi was texting him with had sent him a website mentioning all of He Tian's works. He honestly didn't need that right now, but found himself flopping onto the bed reading it. Apparently this man was in a  _shit ton_ of crap.

Movies, romances and drama, and he was apart of a band before he became a solo artist. He was singing  _pop?!_ And on top of it all, he was a model for multiple companies and had a net worth of 6851300000 Yuan*. His whole entire world was flipping strange. How could someone that he knew personally succeed so well in a foreign country? It was just too damn much right now. So with these facts in his head, Mo fell unconscious.

Once his eyes opened again, sunlight filtered onto them, creating a very small burning sensation. He sat up, blinked, and rolled off the hotel bed to the stiff ground, thumping loudly before he remembered there were people below him. When he glanced at his phone, it was nearing eight in the morning, two hours earlier than when he usually arose. So he felt a little more lax, trudging about to get dressed and actually wake up. After spending twenty minutes picking out his clothes (surely not to impress He Tian,) he stepped quietly out into the hall to see Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi quietly waiting for him. He was honestly surprised with how ready they looked. 

"Good morning, redhead," Jian Yi grinned, slipping his phone into his back pocket before reaching for Zheng Xi's hand. Mo would've warned them not to do such a thing in public, but he relaxed went it dawned on him that they were in America, and PDA was completely normal. "He Tian is actually modeling today, so we're heading straight to his agency! He said he would be just fine if we came, as long as we were peaceful and quiet." Mo nodded in acknowledgement of his words, trailing after them as they went for the stairs. Just as he'd remembered, the couple was fast at just about anything they did as long as they were together. When they reached the lobby and stepped out into the hot sun, Zhan Zheng Xi waved down a cab and they all clambered into the back seat like before. Mo lied sometimes, but he was going to be frank with himself when he said that he was not okay. Everything was not alright and he honestly didn't think it ever would be. 

He Tian was going to make his stomach knot up. He just knew it. 

* * *

*1 billion dollars ;)

tumblr - [super-gay-woman](https://super-gay-woman.tumblr.com/)

instagram - [eijirou.kirishima.official](https://www.instagram.com/eijirou.kirishima.official/)

ლ( ͡°ᗜ ͡°ლ) - killme.png

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip my soul this sucks so bad lmao


	3. She Wang Is Not A Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it possible to think a devious god takes a human form?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i ofc love She Wang now and 4evr such an icon

She Wang stood in front of the restaurant a day after Mo's parting, locking it up for the night. He  _had_ to relieve stress at some point, otherwise he was going to have a heart attack and die. Not that she didn't want him to die, but She Li would have her head and He Cheng might bite her ass. And if He Cheng was mad, so was Mister He and Mister Jian, which made Qiu angry. So that was one of the main reasons she'd sent him off. And also because she cared about him, though that would never be admitted out loud. Wang moved towards home from instinct alone, glancing at her phone to make sure of the time before she decided to text Mo.

\-- _hey, ma dude_ \--

Mo glanced down, huffing out a breath as his phone buzzed with a notification. They were just now pulling up to the modeling agency, and Jian Yi was practically shaking with excitement at the nice, large and sleek building. The cab driver pulled into the parking lot, stopping near the entrance. Seeing his two friends begin to unbuckle, he replied to She Wang quickly. There would be excessive worrying if he didn't. 

\-- _GTG. We're seeing He Tian now..._ \--

Mo followed out after the couple, watching Jian Yi pay the driver before zooming towards the entrance of the building. Zhan Zheng Xi followed after a bit slower with the last person of their group, silent as he usually was. A man was waiting by the door on the inside, blonde, tall and lanky with three lanyards in his hand. 

He spoke in english, but then he caught the very well-pronounced name of 'He Tian.' Jian Yi conversed with him, getting direction, and thanking him in English before handing over each of their badges. Mo slipped it over his head, hesitantly looking around. Nearly everything was made of marble or glass, and people rushed around with clipboards or stacks of fabric everywhere his gaze fell. He trailed after the couple half-heartedly, nervousness welling up in his stomach at the thought of...him. He didn't want to do this. He  _really_ didn't want to do this. Everything left in his stomach was beginning to rise, and Mo covered his mouth with a hand. He didn't want to do this. 

But still, they pushed into a photography room, and spotted their friend instantly. He Tian was plopped down on a chair, wearing a bored expression as he looked at his phone. Dark eyes were flitting left and right across the screen, reading something. Jian Yi flew at the seated man, grabbing onto his shoulders and shaking him violently. 

He Tian's gaze flew up, only a hint shocked at the physical attack from Jian Yo. "Well, hey, you idiot!" A fist flew to the top of his blonde head as his other arm trapped Jian's head. But then He Tian's dark gaze lifted and landed on Mo. 

In that single moment, Mo Guanshan felt like hurling and then running. So he did, minus the puking despite the churning in his stomach. He pushed out the door and excused himself knowing that they didn't understand as he bumped into employees left and right. Footsteps pounded after him, but he continued jogging towards the entrance, flying out the doors and running to the sidewalk. Going to the hotel would be useless. He didn't know how to get there and even he did he couldn't speak English to the cab driver to actually  _get_ him there. Not only that, but he couldn't even pronounce the name of it. So, in that moment, Mo regretted all of his previous decisions. She Wang was totally right. He should've let go of He Tian in that alleyway a week ago and should've dropped the cigarette bud and crushed it underneath his shoe without an ounce of pain because  _goddammit_ he  _deserved it_. He deserved to stomp on the memories of his passed, flip them off, and walk away from them to his friends. His new family. All his kids, and She Wang. He could let go of all of it and just take a deep breath.

But He Tian was at the forefront of his mind, and that was simply not going to change. So when he glanced over his shoulder and saw the tall figure of He Tian running towards him, he pulled out his phone and booked it down the sidewalk. It was going to be a losing fight. He Tian was  _much_ taller now and Mo had never been much of a long-distance runner. Unless it was away from his intangible problems, but Tian was very much tangible and very much real. 

"Stop following me!" Those were the first words he'd spoken to He Tian since back then, and they weren't much better. Mo dodged people, slipping around a corner to push into a gas station. His feet raced towards the bathroom and into a stall, locking it as he climbed up onto the toilet and squatted over the opening. 

Oh, god. He was in the women's bathroom. If stupid She Wang were here, she would've beaten the hell out of him. That reminded him...He pulled out his phone, glancing at their messages. 

\-- _help help help help help help help_ \--

The string of words was about all he could muster up, but it was enough for She Wang to be curious enough to reply. She often ignored texts. 

\-- _well shit my man ur across the world cant rlly help ya sorry_ \--

This was not going well. He Tian was going to find him and then everything else in his life would fall to bits, starting with his slowly crafted sanity he'd been spending eight years on. And right now, he could feel a panic attack slowly beginning to creep out from his stomach to make him feel the worst kind of things. At that moment, someone kicked the door open and Mo knew it was the end of all things. 

But when his eyes raised, a god had appeared. Her grin would've been described as demonic, yet she was a savior. "Well, hey, motherfucker!" The hand she extended was more then enough for Mo to take and the beautiful She Wang tossed her keys towards the bathroom window, diving out of it quick just as He Tian threw open the bathroom door. Fortunately, it was empty, so no Americans thought they were in the middle of an action movie shooting. The tall man lumbered towards them with a surprising amount of grace, reaching to grab onto Mo as he struggled out the window after She Wang. 

The woman ducked her head inside, flipping off Tian. "He Tian, you're gonna be real angry about this, but Mo Guanshan isn't interested." She leaned away from the window right as he attempted to follow after, finding his limbs to be a bit too long. She Wang grasped Mo's hand,  trying to drag him along in his shocked state. 

He met eyes with his old friend. "I'm sorry."

* * *

"So how did you come to America? Did you follow us?" Mo was trying to work out all the possibilities, but She Wang just wore her idiot grin. They were sitting in Mo's apartment, havung returned home only a few hours before. She had apparently rescued his bags too (How? Mo didn't know,) proving to the world that she was the owner of many superpowers. 

The woman shifted in her seat, clasping her hands together on the small table. "All I have to say is thank He Cheng. That man must have a very deep care for you and clairvoyance." He Cheng, He Tian's elder brother. Twice as scary, but also a genius, and actually very nice to certain people. She Wang was one of them, as she had been the head of a gang turf war a few years back that had ended with deep involvement of the mafia. If you'd ever seen her battle scars and fighting skills, it wouldn't be difficult to pinpoint who she had been once. Now, she enjoyed normal hobbies. Dating women, saving Mo's ass, making fun of the He and Jian bodyguards. More specifically Qiu, but all of them received their fair share. 

Mo mulled about her words. "I can only assume what he did..." His voice faded a bit as his mind slid into a part of his brain that had been specifically reserved for He Tian. This was made earlier in his teenage years when hormones were shockingly out of control and He Tian was constantly appearing in his dreams and in real life. "Don't tell me, by the way." His chin rested in his palm, eyes gazing out the window. 

"Well, I closed the restaurant for a full two days, but I'm doing long hours tomorrow," she chirped happily, getting to her feet. Though it wasn't exactly expect of Wang, she only enjoyed work, smoking, and sex. "You can decide to come in if you really want. A few kiddos who were supposed to be on vacation said they needed to reset the dates for a different week. We'll be closed during those ones, so it honestly shouldn't matter." Everything about She Wang seemed nonchalant. She moved swiftly, constantly shrugged, and _never_ furrowed her eyebrows. It wasn't really because she was careless. The truth was, she didn't want to look old from stress and get a heart attack. 

She Wang was quite actually very old. Mo pulled his eyes away from the view, meeting gaze with the woman. "I'll come tomorrow. Just need some time to think." For once, Wang leaves him at that.  Any other day she would've prodded at his feelings, but she knew the boundaries of someone filled with regret. 

"Don't stay depressed for too long...Just know that I'm here," she side-stepped the table to pat him on the shoulder, reaching to grab her keys and coat. "Bye, Mo." And she approached the door, promptly opening and shutting it behind her. 

Mo watched the spot she'd been standing in, pulling out his silenced phone to see that he'd been spammed by Jian Yi. He was finished with them. Right now, he had She Wang, his employees, and the restaurant. Besides, it was nearly the time of year when it was the anniversary of his mom's death. Still, Mo scrolled through the texts.

\-- _REDHEAD, TIAN TOLD US YOU RAN AWAY WITH A LADY!!!_ _DATING?? I THINK YESSSSSS. WAS IT THE SCARY WOMAN OUTSIDE UR APARTMENT B4 WE LEFT????_ \--

Half of him wanted to reply in defense of She Wang, who was a lesbian and nearly a decade older than him. Not only that, but he himself was only attracted to men. The other half, however, wanted to shut off his phone and sleep until he died. 

\-- _She Wang is like family. Fuck off_ \--

But the first half of him got the best and he turned off his phone once he'd replied, slamming his head onto the table. The piece of technology buzzed a moment later, and once again, curiosity won. He really hated when it did, though. 

\-- _oh lol srry..hey he tian is rlly mad..._ \--

If Tian had justed recently found out his older brother was the one who got She Wang to America so fast, it made sense. Cheng and his younger brother ceased to have a caring relationship long ago when Tian alienated himself as best as possible from the family. 

\-- _y r u guys still in america_ \--

Jian Yi really didn't waste much time to text back, but Mo decided to think before reading the message. Honestly, he yearned to go to He Tian. But...whenever Mo actually saw him, the feelings suddenly changed. This would need to be fixed soon. 

\-- _bcz we put a lotta money into it. we're going back in 2 days w Tian_ \--

Part of Mo was glad he'd taken a moment to think before reading it, because he would've thrown his phone on the floor and stomped on it a few times. Right now, emotions were just churning inside his stomach. If He Tian came to China, he wouldn't be able to hide. That was a big issue. 

\-- _guess im changing my name and going to france._ \--

With that text, he powered off his phone and left it on the table, getting up to collapse onto his bed. Now was a time to use those stupid meditation techniques his mom always jabbered on about. She was always so good to everyone around her. Friendly, happy, optimistic, and funny. Their families were a big, messed up group of close people. Especially the She family, considering Wang's standing in the mafia. Sitting there, thinking, Mo knocked out. 

_"Gu! Honey!" His mother poked her small head into his room, beaming. "How about you ask your friends to come over for dinner tomorrow? I have a new recipe I want to try out!" Mo glanced up from his homework, grimacing._

_He didn't want to see them, but his mom would surely enjoy company. She deserved it. "I have their numbers..." Her face lit up, and she shuffled in her oversized slippers to him. Mo watched her closely, curious. "You can use my phone if you want, mum."_

_Her expression unfolded into something a bit childish as she picked up his phone. "Jian Yi, Zhan Zheng Xi, and He Tian, was it?" He nodded, rest his forehead in his palm to stare at his homework. The longer he sat there, the more panic that filled him when he realized what He Tian had last sent him. But he'd surely deleted it...Yeah, most definitely._

_Out of fear, he glanced up and saw his mother's face, relaxing when it was still fit into a cheery smile. "I decided to just message them altogether. You can have your phone back now." She handed it over, cheerily walking back into the living room. When he glanced at the screen, he saw that she_ had  _seen their last conversation and had continued on her merry track. His mom was so nice._

Mo opened his eyes, staring at crinkled sheets obscuring the vision of the rest of the apartment, a small pain in his chest. Hands gripped the blankets as he swallowed the lump in his throat and started crying. He really did miss her. Maybe not his father as much, but he really did want his mom. She would've sat down beside him and patted his back, telling him that she knew he needed to go to He Tian and apologize. That he was too hotheaded to run away, and that he needed to stop being so bigoted. 

But his mom wasn't there, and she didn't say those things. Yet he knew that it was the right thing to do. He couldn't change himself and then move to another country. That would be catostrophic. America was hard enough. 

So he raised himself off the bed, wiped his eyes, and sniffled in a deep breath. 

He just  _had_ to do this. There was no way he couldn't. 


	4. A Wild He Tian Appears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jian Yi, Zheng Xi, and He Tian land in China and some notable things go down...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (oof sorry for not updating im a very tired boy with writer's block) !!heyo i appreciate comments!! i am literally writing this as a side hobby to my more serious fic that'll be coming soon so be excited!!!! im on discord a lot so feel free to send a friend request to suneater#3890
> 
>  
> 
> UNEDITED!!

Two days after his little revelation, Mo was busy cleaning up the restaurant in the evening. She Wang took a day off, and most of his employees had already gone to their families in the country. This time was the only time he really had alone with no texting to interrupt him. She Wang would be chattering by now about her reputation in the slums, and how she met a nice girl last week who she really wanted to sleep with. Mo would never say it, but his friend slept around so much he was surprised she never got sexually transmitted infections. That, of course, was among other things he would never utter aloud. 

Mo finished stacking a few dishes, carrying the heavy pile to the kitchen sink with ease. Washing the plates and such was his favorite thing to do on She Wang's days off. The woman was so disruptive he was surprised she wasn't kicked out of grocery stores every time she went. Though the only reason she did go was for the restaurant, herself, and Mo because the anxiety and pressure of choosing the right thing was occasionally too much. She Wang was all in all, a very nice and considerate friend. Just a bit crazy. But, Mo liked to figure, we all were just a bit crazy.

He went about his business, forgetting to lock the front doors as he stacked chairs on table and dishes in the sink. The familiar jingle of the entrance drew his attention from the kitchen, and when he cautiously poked his head into the room, he spotted the face that would be the demise of his peaceful day. He Tian, all alone. Mo ducked down into a cupboard, closing the opening and curling up behind a few pots. He was fortunately still the size of a seventeen year old teenage boy, and really didn't need much space to fit anywhere.

Curled up in the darkness, he realized he'd put himself in a horrible space. It'd been so many years, and he'd even opened up a restaurant by himself. But these dark enclosed spaces were still difficult. He really did wish his mom was here, patting his back and comforting him. Scolding him for being a wuss.

He Tian pulled open the cupboard door and slid aside a few pots to reach what he was looking for. To be honest, Mo expected a devilish grin on his face, but it was a completely serious ( ~~and hot~~ ) expression on his face. Sitting in there with spiders, Mo tried to push himself farther into the corner. He Tian snatched his ankle, giving a hefty tug to bring him closer in one swift and strong movement. Their gaze met, searching the other's face. He Tian was looking for nothing in particular, but Mo was looking for anger. Nothing was there. He relaxed, but shifted uncomfortably as he noticed his...old friend (that wasn't the right word at all) was between his legs as he peered down at him. 

Tian didn't seem to notice. "Hello." His voice was strange. It was lower, stronger, and filled with the same intimidation He Cheng had. But the word was also strange. He Tian used to greet him in all kinds of different ways, but that was never one of them. 

"H-Hi..." Mo's voice was a pitiful, unfortunate squeak. But it wasn't like having an attractive man looking down at you wasn't embarrassing. "What--" Still a squeak. He cleared his throat. "What are you doing here?" 

A black eyebrow arched as He Tian took in the words. Mo's voice was still rather high, and abnormally so, but he didn't mind. He looked cute. "Looking for you," and then his lips spread into the notorious devilish grin. "Leaving my fans was so difficult. You should be grateful I took a month's leave to be here." A month? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 

"Was it honestly-- Hey!" Mo felt himself being dragged out of the cupboard entirely, which gave him a sense of insecurity, as there was nothing to hide himself with. "Please don't be mad at me." Those words fell out of his mouth on complete accident, but they sounded quite sincere. 

He Tian snickered. "Why would I be mad at you?" He shifted, pushing closer between Mo's legs. "Because you ran away? Or from that stupid crap that happened twelve years ago?" The man over him was attractive, arousing a lump below Mo's waist. 

God, he hated that after all these years, his body still wanted He Tian. "I told you to get out of my life...But I didn't realize you would really do it. I thought you cared too much about yourself to listen." He Tian considered these facts and shrugged, giving Mo the benefit of the doubt. The taller man shifted his knee into Mo's crotch gently, hands cupping his waist with the carefulness of someone cradling a newborn baby. Mo found himself leaning into one of his hands, as if it were comforting. Which it really was, but there was no way he would say such a thing. 

"Well, I suppose I cared more about you than myself that time. Who wouldn't pity a broke bastard with a hospitalized mother?" His tone was cold, as though he really hadn't forgiven Mo. In physical contrast, He Tian's hand instantly ran over Mo's aroused lump, falling back to his side a moment later. The sensation was pleasing, and left him wanting slightly more a second afterwards. 

The words He Tian had said weren't disheartening. His father had died in prison and his mother overworked herself to the point of illness. Plenty of reason enough to pity the kid of these two people. "Get off of me. I wanted to have my peace and do the dishes." Mo shifted, struggling to sit up underneath He Tian's weight. He was quite heavy, which was how it always had been. "Come on. Move it."

"That's really not how you ask," Despite his words, he shifted off of Mo and got to his feet, watching as the shorter man clambered up after. "I'm glad Wang isn't here. She would've had my head if she'd seen that I touched her precious Mo Guanshan." Mo grimaced, whirling around to face the filled sink. Once he turned on the water, he blocked out Tian's existence. Until He Tian began to hover behind him, hands slipping underneath Mo's shirt. 

He flinched, nearly dropping the plate he was about to clean as he whirled around and attempted to hit Tian. Unfortunately, grasp around his waist was too strong and constricted his movements. "Get your hands off me!" Mo pulled at Tian's thumbs, trying to pry the hands off his sides. "Personal space exists, He Tian." 

"Of course it does," that was a lie. "but it's been so long since I've gotten to fondle my little Mo." His fingers gently brushed against warm skin, sending a tingling sensation down Mo's spine. 

But then Mo was suddenly saved when She Wang burst into the kitchen, having been silent with her initial entrance to the restaurant. He Tian instantly detached himself, shoving his hands in his pockets. She Wang, being the quickest person on her feet, didn't even bother to state her original purpose at the restaurant and instead pointed an angry accusing finger at He Tian. "Since when is this bastard here?" She gestured at Tian, raising an inquiring eyebrow towards Mo.

He grimaced. "I don't know. He just pranced right in a few minutes ago." Wang waved the fact off, grabbing onto Mo's elbow protectively. Though she was on good terms with Mr. He and Cheng, some part of her really despised Tian. "Where are we going? I still have the dishes to do." 

She's gaze hovered on He for a moment, flitting down to Mo. "We're not going anywhere. Mister Handsy here is going to get the hell out of your restaurant unless he wants his ass kicked." He Tian raised his hands in surrender, having no interesting in fighting the fierce woman. "Go quickly." She flicked her hand towards the back door, extremely annoyed. Mo pried his elbow out of She Wang's grip, rubbing it to ease the pain. 

And then, as though it hadn't even happened, Mo's undamaged arm was snatched up by Tian and he was pulled right out the door. She Wang was after them in mere seconds. Though he didn't really want to go with Tian, he _definitely_ did not want to be around She Wang either. It was his break from her. Wang was still tight on their tail through the alleyways, and He Tian was running without slowing. But Mo, however, was running out of breath and was going to pass out after a few more seconds.

Fortunately, the adrenaline kept him awake, and the strange warmth of He Tian's hand. Tian glanced over his shoulder, swiftly cutting a few corners before ducking around the side of alley. She Wang wouldn't be able to see which way they'd gone, but she was smart enough to find them quickly. Mo was at a loss for breath, and wasn't happy about the fact that they were behind a dumpster. 

"Let me carry you," He Tian spoke in a low, gravelly voice, glancing out from their hiding spot a few times. Mo swallowed air, catching a breath before violently shaking his head. His head was spinning already. "Stop being stubborn. You're going to pass out." Mo weighed his options, considering all the factors. He Tian was easily strong enough to keep running ahead of She Wang and carry a human being, but where was he planning on going? Was he trying to kidnap Mo? If so--

Well, that didn't really matter. She Wang was going to snap someone's neck soon. 

So that was basically the situation that had led up to Mo being carried by He Tian through the chilly alleyways. Fortunately, Mo knew his apartment was close, but he was wondering if He Tian knew such a thing also. Mo wasn't really thinking, though, considering the fact that he was being exposed to another person's body heat for an extended period of time. He had not been held at all since he was very, very young. But it was nice. It was also slightly awkward, but the situation was too. And then, Mo passed out. 

* * *

It was dark when Mo sat up. His body was damp with sweat, probably from the dream he'd woken up from. It was his mother again, but she was in the hospital like she had been her last few months. 

_ The outside was more pleasant than the inside today. There was a nice breeze, and the care facility his mother had been transferred to was as far away from the city as one could get. She was happy here, and he knew it. Of course, as happy as one could be having lost so much._

_ She spoke, possibly for the first time in ages, "Child, does it hurt to be here?" Mo cocked his head in her direction, eyes still swollen and red from crying onto his mother that morning. She had been unconscious at the time, but he had still cried into her stomach. _

_ His expression was soft, fatigue etched into his cheeks. Though food had been lacking lately, he was just as slight as always. "No, mom. I would rather come see you than do anything else." She smiled. It was a simple smile, but Mo would cradle it in his head...just in case it were her last. Goddammit, he hated when he had to say things like that.  _

_As his mother began to open her mouth, she saw her son's face and only let out a gentle sigh. "Oh, my little Guanshan, please don't cry for me." Mo put his face into his hands, letting out sobs that barely made it out the window. His mother was so much stronger than him. "Gu, after you calm down, I'd like some water if you don't mind going to get some." As soon as her heard her wish, he forced himself to stop._

_"I-I will," he wiped his eyes, ignoring the stinging. As he stepped out into the hall, ready to turn, he saw He Tian leaning against the wall. His eyes were on his phone, though uninterested, before flitting up to Mo. "What are you doing here?"_

_He Tian shoved his phone into his pocket, glancing towards the hospital room with a flick of his fingers. "Your mom asked me to come. She has my number, you know." Mo glanced towards the closed door, deciding to not_ _respond. Why would she do that?_

_"Well, I don't want your pity," Indignantly, he turned away. His mother would've slapped the back of his head for such a comment, but even  then he didn't care. "I don't know why she texted you, but it doesn't matter. I don't want to talk to you."_

_He Tian shrugged. "Then I'll talk to your mom. She's awake right now, isn't she?" Given his build, he had no trouble pushing right past Mo to open the door and greet his mother. Before he stepped in all the way, though, he spoke in a teasing tone, "I didn't know Little Mo could cry like that. I wish you'd do it for me one of these days."_

Mo felt around in his pockets, finding his phone to turn the flashlight on. It was just his apartment, the only change was a sleeping figure on the couch. The situation was strange. His phone clock read three in the morning, and sleeping on the couch was out of character for He Tian. Back when they were younger, he would've taken any chance just to mess with Mo by sleeping with him. 

"Tian?" He called out gently, knowing that it was paranoid of him to assume He Tian wasn't alive and well. "Tian, are you awake? Please answer me." From the light of his flashlight, he saw He Tian lift his head up. Mo reached for the light switch, watching him carefully. 

He Tian sat himself up, grinning at Mo. It was as though he hadn't even slept. "Calling for me awake and asleep, hmm? I'm convinced we should just date already." Mo Guanshan did not know how to respond. He wasn't expecting it, really. 

"I don't like you." Lies. He Tian could see right through them and stood up, casting aside his blanket half-heartedly. "Oh, stay seated, cocky bastard." Mo waved him down in a tragic attempt to keep him at bay. 

A failed attempt, but...

He was surprised when Tian only wrapped his long, muscular arms around Mo's waist and stood there with his chin on Mo's shoulder. 

Mo needed to do something about this man. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pfftt sorry for the short chapter and long wait >.< im so mean, i know. im coming up w another chapter as ur finishing this note!! 
> 
> ig: eijirou.kun_  
> tumblr: super-gay-woman  
> discord: suneater#3890
> 
> UNEDITED!!!


	5. I Want You, But I Won't Say It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mo doesn't like emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiii againnnn, im hoping to update sooner these dayyyyssss!! i gotta edit these chapters sometimes bleh >.< thanks for the comments and i hope you keep reading!!!

He Tian had fallen asleep with his chin on Mo's shoulder. It had taken him a few minutes to realize what had happened, but when he did, he was prepared to push He Tian back onto the couch. The only problem was that he wasn't tall enough or strong enough to budge him one inch. Plus He Tian was kinda warm, and didn't smell bad...at all. But what exactly was he supposed to do? Stand there until he woke up? Though he didn't really know He Tian that well any longer, he knew it couldn't possibly be until ten. 

"He Tian," he spoke gently, reaching his arms up to tap his back. "Hey, wake up. Open your goddamn eyes already..." Mo let out a sigh, heaving a breath before trying to push He Tian towards the couch. He flopped backwards, and Mo scrambled to catch him, falling back onto the couch. Was He Tian just acting? Mo figured he had to be pretty good at acting if he'd tricked him numerous times with his fake sleeping. Oh, my god. Had he really gotten tricked again? 

In less than three seconds, He Tian had 'awoken' and managed to pull Mo over his shoulder and to the floor. "Just admit that you like me already, and then I can move back to China," his words were...swaying, but also, what did he mean? Mo furrowed his eyebrows, on his back with his feet still up on the couch. "What? You didn't know I left because you asked me to leave? How else were you never going to see me again?" 

"You moved to another country just because I told you to get out of my life?" Mo narrowed his eyes, suspicious. He Tian wasn't  _that_ considerate. But, of course, he nodded as though it were obvious. "But  _why_? I don't get why you would work so hard for a stupid reason like that. It's, like, an entire career that's just completely tossed if you return to China. You've got an agency all the way out in America, and it's a great job! I don't get it..." He Tian raised an eyebrow, grabbing Mo's legs and yanked him closer. Mo looked up at him, gaze filled with complete uncertainty, as if he were running numbers in his head but all the answers were too much to understand. 

He Tian grimaced. "What could be the possible reasons for me doing that? I already told you one," he reached down, grabbing one of Mo's shoulders and pulling him upright. "Your mom was dying, your dad was dead, you were broke. No reason to torture you. I said that I cared more about you than myself at the time." Mo reached up, clenching his fists around He Tian's shirt collar. That reason didn't even add up. The He Tian he had always known would never have done that.

"I've been thinking about it for twelve years." He Tian's hand dropped from his shoulder. "Twelve whole years, I've been wondering what you were getting at when you  _actually_ left. Not once did I assume that you did it because you cared more about me than yourself. You were so selfish before." Tian made a face of mock offense, grabbing the back of Mo's neck a moment later. Mo tensed, feeling extremely intimidated in that moment. 

"And you don't think that I'm capable of caring for someone else?" His grip tightened, but he was careful not to hit a muscle. Mo's expression of fear was amusing, but he continued. "I'm sure it'd interest you to know that you were of the few things I once loved." In that moment, Mo felt his heart freeze up. It was impossible. No. Those words  _hadn't_ just come out of He Tian's stupid mouth. There was no possible way. Mo was on that short list? 

He released Tian's collar, swallowing a lump in his throat that he hadn't even realized was there. "D-Do you still?" He averted his gaze, looking down as best he could. Mo despised this uncomfortable feeling stretching from his stomach to his chest. It made the heat in his face rise to the point where he was sure He Tian could see it without fail. The dim lighting could only hide so much. "Do you still want me on that list?" 

"Did you really think I was serious?" He Tian chuckled, loosening his grip around Mo's neck. But he didn't let go as he watched Mo's expressions shift. From his flusteredness emerged tears. And right there, Mo began to cry. He didn't want to. At all. He didn't want to show his weak side to He Tian, but his mind was so exhausted from everything around him. He couldn't stand it anymore. "Hey." He Tian's tone was suddenly soft, dancing into Mo's ears so gently his stomach knotted up in nervousness. 

He wasn't a thirty-year-old man who ran a business with his best friend and partner. He wasn't over the loss of his mother, or the regrets of his young adulthood. 

But he was very weak to being treated gently. 

"You never let me finish, Little Mo," He Tian carressed Mo's cheek gently, wiping away his slowing tears. "You're too good to be on a list of anything." Mo thought he was about to get sick, from all the stupid churning his stomach was doing. He  _knew_ it wasn't that, though. 

It was because...

Because- 

Mo grabbed He Tian's collar once more and yanked him into a kiss. 

-unfortunately, he liked him.

* * *

He Tian was strangely good at kissing. Well, he was a good-looking guy, so what had Mo expected? The five seconds that their lips were connected with the other were long. Mo took everything into account and decided that after they parted, he would run. He seemed good at that. Except compared to He Tian, not really. Mo would probably be caught in under thirty seconds. 

And then the kiss was over and Mo attempted and failed to get on his feet. Instead, he was trapped underneath He Tian on the floor, looking up at him warily. "I didn't mean to that, I-"

"Bullshit." He Tian grimaced, a hand and elbow trapping both Mo's arms down. "Why did you do it? I'm curious, Little Mo, especially since you stopped crying after it." Mo averted his gaze, turning his head to the side to look underneath the couch.

There was a book near the back. "No one ever talks to me like that. My mom never did, except for once when I was little. But I haven't been with anyone, ever. You're the first and only person I ever had a desire to-- I just-- it's  _so nice._ Your voice makes me-- It makes me feel safe!" Mo's voice had continually gotten weaker and stronger throughout, ending in an involuntarily indignant tone. 

"Oh?" He Tian smirked, lowering his face to Mo's ear. "This?" He murmured, causing the man underneath him to squirm quickly. 

"Okay, stop! I didn't  _actually_ mean it!" Mo placed his hands on He Tian's chest, shoving him as hard as he could. He figured Tian moved by himself, but as soon as he was freed, Mo made a dash towards the apartment door. He burst outside nearly tripping over the sleeping figure of She Wang.

She'd been outside the whole--

Mo glanced at the door as it opened and booked it for the stairs, rushing down the stairs. He Tian wasn't following after him. That was strange. When he reached the apartment lobby, he turned at the sound of elevator doors parting and froze. He Tian stepped out, frowning. 

Mo made a run for it. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorrryyyyy its so shorrrttt, ik!!!!!!!!!!!! i want to write longer chapters but i have nothing wahhh 😭😭😭😭 pls forgive meeeeeee readers!!!


	6. You Are Not A Blessing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Presumably, Mo had settled down with his restaurant, thinking that he would be able to live in peace. This is completely wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  
> me writing this: oh man, im crap at writing  
> also me: real human beings read this............  
> me again, five seconds later: OHMYGOD REAL PEOPLE WILL READ THE STUPID WORDS IM WRITING RIGHT NOW  
> anywayyyyyyyyyyyy,, i am physically unable to write chapter notes todayyyyyyyy hAh so here's this  
> ~ thank u guys so much for reading ~  
> (づ♥ ³♥)づ  
> sidenote: u could say mo's just a big bothered gay

At around three thirty in the morning, Mo found himself running like a maniac through partially empty streets. He was already losing breath, from both the cold burning his tired lungs, and the fact that he rarely ever exercised despite his enjoyment of running away from literally everything that bothered or scared him. The only place he could really remember how to get to was the restaurant, which he wasn't exactly sure he had the keys to. Still, he was persistent in the fact that he was desperately clinging to consciousness. He just wanted to be alone right now. 

Turning down alleyways and stumbling over loose gravel, Mo threw himself against the back door, sighing with relief when it opened perfectly. Instantly, he shut it, noticing everything was the same as it had been when She Wang left to chase the two of them. Strangely enough, it didn't feel like it had only just happened. Mo walked towards the entrance, locking all the doors in sight. And then, finally, he sat himself down on a chair he'd dragged into the kitchen and let out a long sigh. What had he  _done_? How could he be _so_ big of an idiot that he up and decided to do  _that_ to He Tian? What was he, a hormonal fourteen-year old? This was all so stupid, wasn't it? All his fears that he'd been bottling up were nothing, but then He Tian strangely professed love and said things that made him far too flustered for his own good. To be honest, he wished it could go back. To his wonderful employees, all thinking he was perfectly sane and wonderfully responsible. Thinking that he was a reliable man who could run his own business. He wanted it back to when She Wang would chatter on and on while she was supposed to be working, and where his customers would always compliment him on his well-kept restaurant and how interesting it was to see the owner working alongside his employees. But, then again, he didn't really want that. He wanted He Tian to take him seriously instead of teasing him ever moment that they were together. In fact, he  _needed_ someone to take him seriously. She Wang treated him like a little brother. Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi were never really around, and even if they were they were were too fast to sit down and talk to. Over the span of the eight years he'd been knowing of his sexual identity, never once had he thought someone was good looking unless they resembled He Tian. Which was slightly embarrassing, but he never really thought about it much anymore. 

But what he wanted was He Tian to hold him and treat him as a lover. "Gah!" Mo slapped his hands over his face, letting out a sharp groan in annoyance. This was so stupid. He wanted to just die already. 

A knock sounded on the back door. "Hey, Little Mo, let me in!" It was He Tian. 

And then another knock, strangely aggressive. "Mo Guanshan, get your ass out here! I have questions!" It was She Wang. Two people were waiting for him outside right now. Mo got to his feet, purposely dragging the chair as loud as he could back to the table. Then he turned and watched as She Wang unlocked the back restaurant door and hit it open. "Don't do that, idiot!" She scolded, clambering inside and towards him quickly. Mo avoided her oncoming collar grab, stepping back into the safety of the kitchen. He Tian stepped inside, shutting the door behind him as he watched the scene unfold. 

"She Wang, I don't want to talk to you right now," Mo sounded shockingly cold towards her, trying to back himself away from the corner. She set her face in a glare, grabbing He Tian's arm and yanking him towards her. "What're you trying to do? There's no possible way even you could hurt him. He Cheng would be after you in three seconds flat, and you know it." She Wang gently shook her head, closing her eyes as if silently disapproving him.

Mo waited for a moment, watching as she finally reopened her eyes to look up at him, "He Cheng only cares about you now, Mo. Tian disassociated plenty of years ago." She crinkled her nose, looking up at the man she had an iron grip around. "I thought you knew that." Mo didn't, actually, and glanced up at He Tian curiously. It was true, by the look on his face. Tian didn't seem bothered by it at all, though. It made sense, really, since he never really mentioned anything about them even though Mo had met them on several occasions. Mo didn't mind his father and brother. They seemed to treat him nicely, though he always assumed it was because She Wang was glaring at them. 

"I-I..." he averted his gaze, mildly embarrassed by his cocky statement. "I didn't know, I'm sorry." Mo lifted a hand to his elbow, standing awkwardly a few feet in front of the two considerably taller people. She Wang was around 5'11 and He Tian 6'3. They were strangely tall anyway, so it made Mo feel  _extremely_ short. Neither He Tian nor She Wang moved a muscle, waiting for another response from Mo Guanshan. He glanced up at both of them briefly, bringing his eyes back to the floor. "She Wang, what do you want to talk about...?" Wang released He Tian, stepping towards Mo very cautiously, as though he were a skittish animal prepared to run at any moment. Which, when you really thought about it, he was. 

She cleared her throat, gaining his attention. "Can you go sit down? I think it's best if we all have a discussion about what happened last night." Mo was exhausted, and every word out of She Wang's mouth was sounding fuzzier by the letter. Still, he dragged his feet to the nearest table, pulling out a chair and seating himself. He kept his eyes on the table, listening closely to Tian and Wang following suit quickly. "I, um, I don't think you know that four years ago, He Tian came to China looking for you. Cheng told me he would be at the airport at a certain time, so I met him there." Mo finally lifted his head, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

His gaze flitted to He Tian. "You came back to find me?  _Four_ years ago?" Tian nodded, cocking his head in Wang's direction just as Mo's gaze fell on her, still completely blank and bare. Nothing made sense to him right now. He was prepared to pass out, none of their words actually made sense, and Wang had tried to keep him safe by pushing He Tian away but now it felt like  _betrayal_. "Why didn't you mention it?" Mo asked this, but he knew why.

"You weren't in the right mental state to hear about it... " she faded off, now looking guiltily at the floor. He Tian shifted in his seat, surprisngly silent and observant of the situation in front of him. Mo's expression collapsed, crestfallen. She Wang was right. "Look, Mo, I don't want you to feel hurt. It was for good." He Tian opened his mouth to speak, but was quickly kicked in the shin by Wang. 

Mo bit his lip, nodding faintly. "I understand..." His eyelids were slowly growing heavy, and it came to the point where he could feel his breaths deepening and slowing. "Yeah, I understand..." 

* * *

_"He Tian, I like you."_

Mo heaved a deep breath and bolted upright, as though he'd risen from the dead. There was a strange silence as he took in the place. Beige walls, peeling, wood floor, dirty couch. Yes, he was home. But how? Mo glanced to the side of his bed, flinching at the sight of the slumped figure of He Tian. Was he alright? Oh, just sleeping. 

But then, Mo suddenly recalled his most recent dream. God, he was in trouble. Thirty years old and he had a fucking crush. He Tian stirred, and instantly Mo had his back on the bed, pretending to be asleep. After a few wary moments, he released a breath and slid off the bed, avoiding the creaky floorboards. Though he could only figure what had happened at 4 A.M, he was surprisingly hungry. On most days, he'd only eat dinner. Tian still didn't awaken. He pulled open his fridge, staring at a sad amount of items. Still, he was the son of a chef and knew what to do with odd things. 

Cooking, he figured, would always been his favorite thing. It calmed him, and he never really had to measure anything out to know how much it was supposed to be. Mo turned his back to his bed, lighting a fire on the stove. It took him only a few minutes for an egg to cook, and in that time he began to just think. 

She Wang had been acting weird lately. And not just because of He Tian and the secret, but she also wasn't staying with Mo as much. Perhaps she...trusted He Tian? Though she didn't like him much, Mo was sure she knew how strong he was, especially after chasing him in the alleys. 

A cold hand grabbed Mo's shoulder, sending a small shiver in fear down his spine. "You're going to burn one side of the egg, aren't you?" He Tian reached past him, gesturing at the smoking pan. Mo rushed to flip it over, gasping slightly. 

"Don't sneak up on people like that!" Mo turned his attention towards Tian again, chiding expression suddenly falling when he saw that He Tian wasn't amused. "What?"

He Tian gestured towards the pan. "Why don't you teach me how to cook?" 

And, of course, that's when his devilish smile appeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UNEDITED!!!!  
> anywayyyy, thanks for so much suppporrttt!! im kinda excited for the next chapter 😖 hope it turns out longer lmao 😪😔


	7. Screw You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He Tian is officially in China, and also officially making Mo feel things he doesn't like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk why i can't make these chapters longggggggggggggggER im sORRY  
> ლ(>‸>ლ) it's so hard when my brain doesn't want to work, even though i want to publish a chapter and write...  
> (╯◥▶╭╮◀◤）╯︵ ┻━┻ it's not FAIR  
> so anywayyyy, im not sure how long this chapter will be, but thanks again for your support, please continue to comment! it's what makes me want to keep writing for you guys!!  
> (づ⩾﹏⩽)づ y'alls are the best!!!!  
> <3 <3 <3  
> (please excuse my many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many plot holes 乁(/͠-v ͝-\\)ㄏ)  
> (╭☞✧Д✧)╭☞ ENJOY!! (T^T thank u so much for 1 thousand reads!!)

He Tian smelled strangely good. It wasn't any cologne, but rather, just his natural scent. Mo sniffled slightly, trying to catch the smell once more, but He Tian had moved from beside him to grab something. Turning his gaze back to the stove, he ignored the faint sound of He Tian's breath. Why was he so...hyper-sensitive to all these sounds? Couldn't his ears just work normally for once? But the sound was beginning to make him feel that same strange, stomach-churning way again. Mo blinked, focusing intently on the egg as he turned the heat off. Finally, knowing his devil of an intruder had been silent for too long, he glanced to the side only to meet eyes with He Tian. Their faces were a bit too close for comfort. Mo felt his face warm instantly, averting his gaze in a skittish fashion to avoid being teased. 

"Turn your face this way, Little Mo," He Tian's voice was strangely low, serious, and imposing. It almost made Mo actually want to turn his vulnerable face. Except he really didn't, so he continued to stare at the gradually cooling pan. All he needed to do was focus on it for a little bit and-- A hand guided his face to the side, and being caught of guard, Mo didn't really have enough collected thoughts to fight back. "So you're planning on ignoring me?" He smirked. Mo moved away from him as best he could, only to be caught in He Tian's gaze.

He felt like a fly, getting stuck in a spider's web. "N-No." It wasn't  _exactly_ ignoring if he didn't say it was. But of course He Tian had to contradict literally everything Mo did and this moment was surely no exception to it. "Do you even want to eat breakfast?" Mo lifted the spatula in his hand, seeing it more as a stick to ward off the dangerous devil He Tian seemed to be. 

And almost as easily as speaking, He Tian tore the makeshift weapon right out of Mo's hands and tugged him forward by the wrist, "You know, if you teach me how to cook, you won't have to _kindly_ make me food anymore." The emphasis in the statement made Mo uncomfortable. It wasn't like he wanted to do it, but starving He Tian was like jumping into a pool of unfed sharks. Things could go wrong very quickly.

"Go fuck yourself," Mo retorted, lifting his free hand in an attempt to tug the spatula back. His attempts were futile, and ended in him being laughed at by He Tian. "Oh, shut up! Be grateful I'm even letting you near me." A few moments later, he had the cooking utensil returned, but that was simple because Tian let him take it. Mo let him hold his wrist a bit longer, but used the spatula to place the nearly burnt egg on a small bowl of rice. 

He Tian pulled Mo's wrist upwards, just to step closer to him. Too close, for Mo's tastes, but He Tian didn't care. He didn't care how much time Mo spent thinking about him. What was he even here for? To ruin Mo's life and then leave? "Thanks, Little Mo. I can count on you," He Tian's voice brought him out of his thoughts, but he was still just as mad. While He Tian was somewhat distracted by the food, Mo managed to yank his wrist away from him. 

Mo tossed the spatula onto the counter, biting his lip just hard enough to make it bleed on the inside, "Goddammit, He Tian, what are  _doing_ here? Are you just trying to mess with my head?" He Tian had already begun eating in the short amount of time between Mo finishing the food and the beginning of his outburst, but he stopped when he heard all of Mo's words. 

He set the bowl back on the counter, leaning against it as he crossed his arms. In a simple second, the tension had changed. He Tian was terrifying and probably the most idiotic person Mo had ever met...and liked. No, no, what was he thinking? He hated Tian. "I'm here to make you fall in love with me." Wait, what?  _Love_?! 

In another few simple seconds, Mo's head had already spiraled down a hole of mixed feelings about Tian. Looking back on Junior High, he'd definitely...he'd definitely liked He Tian, and just refused to admit it. It was how he worked. There'd been enough shit in his life with all these sappy emotions and he had been pretty fed up with it by then. And after both his parents died, he would sit on his knees every night, begging anyone to give him He Tian back until he eventually gave it all up. What would he say to He Tian if he came back? Would they magically be like they were before? How different would He Tian be? And what exactly was he doing right now? 

Of course, his restaurant with She Wang happened, and Mo wished he could say that he had forgotten about the devil. He hadn't. In fact, it was all he thought about when he had the actual time to think. He replayed a scene of him seeing He Tian for the first time, and whenever he tried to act like he used to, it all went wrong. But Mo didn't like how he was now, and how was he supposed to face Tian as the new him if that was the case? Was  _everything_ all for nothing?

Mo then found out that, yes, most 'everythings' are for nothing. They are wasted away, and that is how life goes. But  _God_ , He Tian was talking about  _love_. Love was weird as hell. It was confusing, and sometimes gross, and it came so many different ways that it was stupid. "Like hell I'll ever fall in love with you," Mo sneered without thinking, turning on his heel to march into the bathroom to panic. 

Too much was going on here. 

He Tian knocked on the locked bathroom door, "Little Mo." He sang softly, waiting not too terribly long for a response. Mo Guanshan did not know what to do, like he did most days. How the hell did He Tian expect him to react? All stupid and happy, like he'd been wanting this for years and years and when the moment finally came he felt strangely overjoyed to the point where maybe --just  _maybe_ , mind you-- he really did love He Tian? Oh,  _lord_. 

All things considered, Mo knew where things had gone. 

But he was a big chicken, and so he climbed into the dry bathtub and decided to take a nap. 

* * *

Mo woke as he usually did, panicked and disoriented. Covered in sweat, he heaved deep breaths and tried to comprehend what he was doing in his bathtub before he remembered what had led up to the strange situation. 

_"I'm here to make you fall in love with me._ _"_

He shivered slightly, slowly clambering out of the tub. Cautious, he placed his ear against the door and listened for He Tian at all. It was stupid how he'd ended up like this, but it was just as stupid that He Tian had said something so cheesy. 

After deciding that he was safe, Mo unlocked the door and stepped out, spotting He Tian asleep on the couch. As much a devil as he was, Mo couldn't help but think that he was handsome when he slept. Without any of his snarky comments and possessive behavior, Mo was pretty convinced that he'd date He Tian. But it wouldn't really be the same, would it?

Life would be easier, but easy is sometimes boring.

Eyes open, He Tian gazed at Mo, silent for once. Mo --however-- let out a shrill squeak and blushed profusely, scrambling away from the couch. He made a futile attempt to shield his face from Tian's view, embarrassed more than he'd ever been. He Tian chuckled, "Look at you, Little Mo. My job is so easy."

"S-Shut up. I was only thinking of how I should punch you when you woke up," he retorted, slowly getting to his feet. Being Mo, he really wasn't good at making comebacks. Most of the time, he would end up awkwardly saying something that was incoherent.

He Tian gestured to himself, "I'm awake, aren't I?"

Yeah, that just about summed up how Mo trying to be cool went. He set his jaw indignantly, turning his face away, "I'm just giving you a fair chance to get on your feet." He Tian got up with ease, as though he'd never been asleep. Holy crap, he hadn't been asleep, had he? 

And by the devilish grin on his face, Mo knew his hunch was correct.

What was he going to do when he realized he liked He Tian? 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hi hi!!! I AM SO SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG  
> i moved and all this crazy stuff happened, and every time i returned to continue working on this, i never felt like it :(  
> now i will hopefully be ready!!  
> thanks for your patience!!  
> (UNEDITED)


	8. Missing You Is As Easy As Flipping An Egg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mo Guanshan, infamously awkward cook, misses his mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \\(^ ³^)/ thank you very much for the support!!  
> p.s i am the most flaky person ever and from that i seem to always forget what i have previously written :') please forgive me and my inconsistency.

_"Guanshan, listen to me," His mother's voice was weaker than the day before, but she still managed a strong enough smile to relax him. It was one of her superpowers, he always reminded himself. Mo gave her his attention, shaky hands clutching his knees. "You will be great. I know that I have not been able to give you everything that you have wanted, and sometimes that breaks my heart. But I believe in you. You are hard-working, and you have three great friends."_

_Mo knew why she was doing this. She was trying to make him understand that she was_ dying _. That she was about to go and leave him behind, and there wasn't much he could do about it. Honestly, there wasn't much he could do about a lot of different things. The list could go on and on if he really put his mind to it. He couldn't do much about how he was left with nothing from his parents. He couldn't do much about his father being arrested and dying. He couldn't do much about not applying for a university. He couldn't do much about his only talent being cooking._

_But he looked at his mother as bravely as he could. "Thank you, mom. Thank you...so much. We've been through a lot, haven't we?" She nodded, lifting a hand to his shoulder. As best she could, she sat up and gave Mo what could be his very last hug from her. The very last time her arms around him were warm. The very last time he could hear her familiar heartbeat so close._

_A rhythm distant and locked away. It was in a safe inside her chest, and he knew that the safe was only being dragged farther and farther away as they spoke._

'Firsts' are one thing. But what about 'lasts?' Those should be regarded in the same sense. Whether bad or good, Mo knew that he would be able to remember the moment for a long, long time. He promised he wouldn't forget her voice. He would watch every video he had of her, and he would recall her wisdom when he was lost. He would remember all her songs, all her recipes, all her hugs. 

He would remember holding her hand as they crossed the street. He would remember all those nights that his mother would hold him until he fell asleep, knowing that it was a hard time for them both. But no matter how many hard times there were, they were always the same. 

Mo sat up, glancing at the ruffled sheets around him before looking down at his hands. They were warm. 

"He Tian--" Mo started.

"Mo Guanshan." He Tian replied, laying on the bed with his back towards him. 

"Do you miss anyone?"

"The only person I would ever miss is right here." His response was so fast, it was like no thought had gone into it. An instinctual reaction, or some kind of prepared answer. No matter how fast he'd said it, though, Mo still blushed. It was probably a good thing He Tian was turned away. Except somehow, it seemed, He Tian knew he was flustered. "Look at that, Little Mo already likes me." 

Mo reached out a hand to slap the back of Tian's head but ended up only placing it down gently. "Shush." He couldn't bring himself to hit Tian, and though he was extremely frustrated with him at times, he didn't think he'd be able to strike him ever again. 

Silence settled over them. Mo slipped back underneath the blankets, closing his eyes and falling back into the quiet of his dreams. His  _memories_.

_"We're terribly sorry for your loss, Mister Mo. Did your mother attend a church often?" A doctor stood in the eerily peaceful hospital room, awaiting some kind of response from the red-haired young man beside his mother's deathbed. Having been ignored for more than five minutes, the doctor left. It was as if the room had settled into its tranquility once more, the creaking of Mo's chair a mere kink in the deafening silence._

_Inside the room, it was cold. His mother covered in a white sheet, breath having left her body hours before._

_Mo was frustrated. He had imagined the absence of his mother to shift_ everything _. But the lonely silence he'd grown accustomed to was no more solemn than it always had been. The air did not cry for his mother. Nor did anyone, really. Not anyone besides himself. The wind outside held no pain for this death. The Earth wouldn't stop rotating, and people wouldn't freeze and mourn for this loss._

_For such a small woman, she really had a way of making herself feel tall._

_Mo sat back in the creaky chair, sweat or perhaps tears rolling down the sides of his face. Whatever it was, he hated it. He despised this nausea, this pain, this disbelief, this_ numbness _. Anticipation was a fool's game when it came to death. Everything was a fool's game when it came to death. Even though he'd spent hours upon hours crying until his head pounded, it all came down to here._

_This very moment of sticky, disgusting, numb. Not the pins and needles kind. The kind that skims over your body in a wash of terrifying realization, tapping the edges of your heart with an icy touch. That kind of numb._

_So he continued to sit in the chair. He answered idiot questions from idiot people and continued to seat himself even after they took his mother's body away. Heart and head frozen over, fingers twitching, and sweat raining from his forehead._

Why was his head doing this to him again? Hadn't he had enough of this stupid repeat of dreams? Had enough of waking up in the night to an unbearable pain trapped within his chest? 

Tears stung in his nose, silent as the slid to the pillowcase below his aching head. Tonight was just another one of those nights where he couldn't sleep. But it wasn't another one of those nights where he cried alone until the sun rose. It was a night where someone he dearly trusted --no matter how he liked to deny it-- laid beside him, waiting to listen to woes and fears. 

"Tian?"

"Guanshan?" His voice was calm. Much calmer than Mo's faltering tone. 

Mo wiped at his remaining tears, finding that he was unable to hold them back much longer. 

He cried. He cried and cried, but he wasn't alone. And he could cry to his heart's content, but no amount of tears could reach there. No amount of crying will rid your body of the fatigue of grief. 

After Mo's sobs had finally settled, He Tian carefully rolled over to look at him. "It's just your mom, isn't it?" 

"Yeah," his answer was weak, but at least he'd spoken. His eyes traced over every bump in the ceiling, avoiding He Tian's at all costs. "How long are you here for?"

"'Month," Tian replied rather easily.

Mo only nodded. 

The silence between them was not the same as the lonely silence Mo had always recalled. It was past that pit of grief in which he had wallowed for years. But it wasn't on the top of a sunny hill either. 

He was getting up there, and He Tian was willing to meet him halfway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the short update xd i'll be doing longer ones from now on!! excuse any mistakes pls T^T

**Author's Note:**

> thank u 4 reading all the way thru


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